there's no place like home there's no place like home
 
   
       
     
 

On February 10, 1976, renowned gynecologist, Dr. Brett McCallister
was attending a Manfred Mann concert at the Milky Way Lounge and Lanes.
During the outrageously elaborate light show that coincided with the band’s
encore performance of “Quinn the Eskimo,” McCallister was struck blind by
a tragically misguided laser beam. In the months that followed that fateful
night, he embarked upon the long and arduous road towards rehabilitation.
As he struggled to reacquire skills that most of us take for granted,
McCallister subsequently lost his job, his driver’s license, and his girlfriend.
Embittered by a society that seemed to ignore the needs of the visually
challenged, he vowed to wreak vengeance upon all those who had
discriminated against him.

With renewed fervor, McCallister went into seclusion, where he painstakingly forged a new identity for himself. Since that time, few have ever seen him during the day, and yet, late at night, many have heard him roaring through the alleyways of Sighted City riding aloft his custom Harley-Davidson V Rod, platinum blonde hair streaming in the wind, seven-foot long titanium cane shimmering in the moonlight, racing to defend his blind brothers and sisters from the heartless, ignorant cretins who dare to oppress them as they strive to remain productive members of society. And so, my dear listeners, anywhere there is a restaurant where the lights are turned too low, anywhere there is a restaurant where there are no Braille copies of the menu, anywhere there is a restaurant where the print in the menus is too fine to be read by someone who contends with high myopia, aw fnck! … anywhere there is a restaurant, you will find … Low Vision Biker!!!

   
       
     
  He arrives on the scene in a mindless rage.
He screams, “Turn up the lights! Blow up the page!”
And he swears Sightey’s gonna pay for putting him down.

There are people who won’t leave their homes at night,
Because some damn fool shot out all their streetlights.
Low Vision Biker’s gonna find that fool and set things right.

Low Vision Biker fell from grace long ago!
He lost faith in the human race long ago!
And now, he’s lost his mind!

Dark! Dark as his view of the world!
Dark! Dark as the thoughts in his mind!
Dark, dark, dark as night!

Low Vision Biker fell from grace long ago!
He lost faith in the human race long ago!
And now, he’s lost his mind!

Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
No one knows where he’s goin’.

Some can’t be bothered to guide those in need.
Some have been blinded by apathy and greed.
Some shortchange others who can’t see one from five.

He’s got no use for legislators and their scheming.
He’ll beat them with his cane till they stop screaming.
Someday Sightey’s gonna pay for putting him down.

Low Vision Biker fell from grace long ago!
He lost faith in the human race long ago!
And now, he’s lost his mind!

Dark! Dark as his view of the world!
Dark! Dark as the thoughts in his mind!
Dark, dark, dark as night!

Low Vision Biker fell from grace long ago.
He lost faith in the human race long ago.
And now, he’s lost his mind!

Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
Go, go, go…Low Vision Biker.
No one knows where he’s goin’.

   
       
 

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